When: A few days after Theodore gets out of the Infirmary, I'd suppose
Where: Slytherin dorms
What: A reunion-y thinger
Blaise was still a bit nervous about the world around him, but had been feeling a bit better since Draco had.. well... calmed him down. He still wanted the bloodshed, but he didn't need it just yet. That likely was the only reason he wasn't pacing through the dorm room, instead simply stretched out on his bed, a book by his side, halfheartedly reading it.
Theodore smiled as he walked into the common room and headed to the dorms. Seth wasn't as bad as he had originally thought, and he now valued the man one of his closest friends, not that he had many. He popped the last chocolate frog he'd taken from the man's office into his mouth as he pushed the door open and stepped into the dorm. His eyes immediately lit on Blaise, and he couldn't mask his surprise, but he quickly averted his eyes and moved to his bed, sitting on it with his back to the other Slytherin.
Blaise looked up when he heard someone enter the room, half expecting it to be Crabbe or Goyle. What he saw, however, was definitely not either of them. His attention to his book immediately dissapeared, his eyes following Theodore as he moved over to the bed next to his, back turned to him. "So... you're just going to shun me?" he asked softly, tone distinctly hurt. He himself had been making progress... and from what he had heard so had Theodore. He was just rather blown away that he was being so blatantly ignored.
"I don't know how to behave around you. It's the one thing I can't bear to discuss with Seth, and the one thing I most want to know. I don't understand what's appropriate and what isn't. What happened last time apparently shouldn't have happened, but gods help me, I want it to, if only so you'll hold me again." Theodore's voice was soft and even, his words careful.
Blaise's eyes immediately lowered, feeling all at once guilty for having asked the question as he had. Of course Theodore would be confused, he was too. And if he was honest with himself, he wanted to hold the other Slytherin again. "Is there no way we can just be friends... and I can still hold you..?"
Theodore shook his head. "I can't bear to simply touch you, knowing that that is all it could be. "We...we could be friends, but you can't touch me. It would kill me more surely than any knife."
"Alright," Blaise whispered. That's how it would have to be, then. He wouldn't be able to hold Theodore again... and as much as that thought hurt... he knew it was for the best.
ScarletteWing returned at 4:50:17 PM.
Theodore bit his lip. He'd been hoping for at least some form of resistence to the idea, but if he wasn't going to receive any, then it was for the best, he supposed. "How have you been doing?" he asked quietly. "I haven't spoken to you since that one day in the Infirmary." It seemed like forever since that day.
"I've been doing okay," Blaise admitted, running a hand back through his hair. "I've... started putting on some weight again... and I'm not failing all of my classes quite as badly as I had been..." And he had fallen apart with the need to be cut apart and thus had let Draco shag him...
Theodore nodded. "I'm glad to hear it," he murmured softly. "All I've been doing the past few weeks is homework, so I'm doing better than usual in all my classes." He sighed and brushed a hand through his hair. "Seth and Vati are the only people I talk to now... I've been isolated so long that I don't really feel comfortable speaking with anyone else." Besides you...
"Would... you rather I left you alone then?" Blaise offered. He didn't want to make Theodore even more uncomfortable than he already was, unnecessarily at that. Even though he longed to just pull him close. "I'm just... glad you're doing better."
"NO!" Theodore objected, before flushing slightly and averting his eyes. "Please don't leave just yet. I must admit it's odd just sitting here with you and I don't know what to do, but it's nice just being around you."
Slowly, Blaise sat up, gazing over at Theodore. "Alright," he murmured, chewing on his lower lip. "So... seeing Capper has been helping?" he prompted.
Theodore nodded. "The man is a saint." He rescinded that quickly, however. "Well, not really, but he's amazing..." He lowered his eyes to the coverlet, picking at one of the stitches. "I never thought I'd trust him enough to tell him what I have... But he makes me feel so much better..."
Blaise felt jealousy rear it's ugly green head at the way Theodore said that. He had never been able to help Theodore enough to get through it all.. Had never been able to calm him down, or resolve things except by way of a shag or a knife. All he had ever done was cause the problems which had sent Theodore into this massive wave of self destruction. "I'm glad..." he whispered half heartedly.
Theodore's eyes darted to Blaise at the other boy's tone of voice, and he bit his lip harshly to prevent himself from crawling to the other boy's bed and holding him. His lower lip was bloody with worrying, and finally he did just what he'd promised himself he wouldn't, and closed the distance between them, wrapping Blaise in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Blaise whimpered softly and wrapped his arms tightly around Theodore, clinging to him. "It's not your fault," he whispered. "I want you to be happy, after all. And if he makes you happy... then... go for it. He already can clearly take better care of you than I can."
Theodore's brows furrowed. "I don't want him," he murmured. "He is a friend, and that is all. It probably could be more, but I don't want it to be." He pulled away enough to stare directly into the other boy's eyes. The words he was thinking were left unspoken. I want you...
Blaise's breath caught, and his eyes lowered before he buried his face against Theodore's neck, holding him a bit tighter. "I fell apart the other day," he whispered, not sure why exactly he was admitting to it.
Theodore's fingers ran up and down Blaise's back comfortingly. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. Despite the fact that he had been suicidal and Blaise hadn't, he was probably the stronger of the two at that point, because of his work with Seth.
"I cut my hand open in potions class," Blaise whispered, relaxing at Theodore's touches. Draco had made him feel better, admittedly... but Draco didn't understand. He didn't grasp the need, the physical need, that he felt when it came to bloodshed. Theodore did. "And I lost it..."
Theodore nuzzled the other boy's neck gently, revelling in their closeness. "Did you continue?" he asked softly. He hadn't seen his own blood in quite a while, and wasn't sure how he would react to it.
"I wound up cutting my arm open," Blaise explained hesitantly. "Then... paced around the room a lot... Eventually Draco calmed me down..." Blaise knew how much Theodore hated Draco, but he wasn't about to lie. And besides that... they both knew Draco knew him incredibly well, and would thus be able to keep him somewhat in check.
Theodore nodded, albeit stiffly. He wished it could have been him, but he wasn't sure how he would have reacted to the situation, and if it couldn't have been him, he at least knew that Draco knew what he was doing, even if he didn't trust the blonde prat further than he could kick him. "So then you're better now?" he murmured softly, caressing through Blaise's hair.
"For the moment," Blaise whispered, leaning into the light caresses. "I'm still... edgy. He didn't give me what I needed... he wouldn't... no one can or will anymore. But.. he calmed me down, which is still all that i could possibly ask for."
"It wouldn't be a good idea for me to do it, though if you asked I don't think I could deny you," Theodore breathed, his eyes shut as he pressed his face to Blaise's shoulder. "I am always willing to help you, if you want to come to me," he offered hesitantly.
"I couldn't do that to you," Blaise whispered, holding Theodore close to him. "You've been making such progress... I won't ruin that for you. I would never dare ruin it just for me..."
Theodore shook his head slightly. "Then don't ask me to cut you. Surely there are other ways I could help. If you ever need someone to hold you, I could do that, if you want."
Blaise slowly looked up to meet Theodore's gaze. "But... you said..." he started uneasily, wondering where that offer had just come from.
Theodore's arms tightened around Blaise, as though he was afraid that the other boy was going to slip away from him. He bit his lip. "It would hurt more to keep away from you. Every time I see you, I want to reach out and touch you...to deny myself that...is like hell. But if it will be easier for you that way..." He carefully began to unwrap himself from Blaise, not wanting to discomfort the other boy any more than he probably already had.
Blaise's arms immediately held Theodore tighter, whimpering softly and burying his head against the boy's shoulder. "Don't you dare," he whispered. "Don't you dare leave me now... I need you here..."
Theodore nodded and returned to clutching at the other boy tightly. "As long as you're sure, I wouldn't think of it," he breathed, massaging gently up and down Blaise's spine. "You just tell me what you need, and if I can provide it, I will." Theodore knew he was getting into dangerous territory here, and didn't care. Blaise was his to protect, as far as he was concerned, and he would do it.
"Just hold me," Blaise whispered. That was all he would ever ask of Theodore anymore. Just to be held. It was something they both needed, both thrived on... and it wasn't crossing any lines too thoroughly. Anything beyond that could and likely would cause trouble... But being in the comfort of eachother's arms was something he needed desperately.
Theodore nodded, pressing his lips faintly to Blaise's pulsepoint and cradling the boy against him. "I missed this," he murmured. "I missed you..."
"I missed you too," Blaise whispered, shuddering faintly and simply holding Theodore desperately against him. "I've needed to be in your arms for far too long.."
"Don't go so long, next time," Theodore whispered. "For both our sakes." He laid back, nestling Blaise up beside him. "Can we just lay like this for a little while?" he asked. "I'll go back to my bed later."
"As long as you'd like," Blaise whispered. "I love having you close to me..." And he really meant it. As long as Theodore wanted to lay next to him, Theodore would remain in his arms.
Theodore smiled faintly, snuggling up closer to Blaise. Even if nothing could happen between them, he could be content with just being close to Blaise. Seth was good to him, but Seth wasn't Blaise. Theodore pressed a light, barely-there kiss to the taller boy's temple, letting his eyes slide closed. If he was welcome to stay there, then he would.